Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
If there’s a sports fan on your holiday shopping list, you might want to check out a sweet little find I made yesterday over in Greektown. Fanatic U has temporarily set up shop in the building that used to be a bar, Marilyn's on Monroe. They’ve got some tasty deals on shirts, jerseys and all the usual Fanatic U stuff, but they're only going to be around until the merchandise is gone - probably right up until Christmas.
In the back of the store, you can find some pretty cool stocking stuffer type stuff from the dollar table. (I nabbed a couple of 2006 Fall Classic pins...nice!)
Plus, if you spend more than $30, you can take the cornhole challenge. Toss three bags, and if you make one in the hole you get a free baseball cap (and there are a ton to choose from.)
The store is located on (you guessed it) Monroe St., right across from Fishbone's. They don't stay open late, so you might want to get down there during the day. If you go, be sure to mention to the Kage. It won’t get you any kind of special discount, but the confused look on the guy’s face should be priceless.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I’ve heard people mention the Millennium Bell in downtown Detroit. And I’ve seen that big statue in Grand Circus Park across from Cheli’s that looks like an enormous steel fish head dangling from two arches. I just never knew – until now – that they are one and the same.
The Millenium Bell, I’ve come to learn, was commissioned by the City of Detroit for $330,000. It’s a 10-ton, stainless steel monster that hangs from arches that span 40 feet across and 26 feet high. Two local guys, artist Chris Turner and sculptor Matt Blake, designed it.
Unlike most of what you see downtown, nobody considers it an historical treasure because it was created less than 10 years ago. In fact, the city commissioned it in 1999 to ring in the new millennium. Now, they ring it every New Year’s Eve, which I think is one of the cooler “young” traditions downtown.
But I still think it looks like a big fish head.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Walk around downtown Detroit, and every now and then you stumble across a little area that just feels like a different city. No freeways, no stadiums, just quiet little blocks that you didn’t know were there.
Found another one the other day.
I’ve been down Centre Street before, and I’ve seen the Milner Hotel many times. I even took D-Smack in one time to take a leak on the way to a Tiger game. But I spotted it again the other day all decked out for the holidays and it looked like something off a postcard, like there should be a 5-and-dime next door and guy ringing a bell out front.
So I put our crack research team on the case (thanks again to our friends at Google) and learned some interesting things about the Milner. One, it’s the oldest continuously operated hotel in Detroit, having opened in 1917 as the Henry Clay Hotel. And two, it bills itself as “America’s first hotel chain”, with buildings in Detroit, Boston, L.A. and Raleigh.
Friday, December 4, 2009
A guy named Mike stood behind the counter, talking to another guy about the latest scandal to hit Detroit. (It’s so new, I don’t think it’s been reported yet. If you hear something about a water department official, a prostitute, a crack house, and a city-owned vehicle, just remember that the Kage semi-reported it first.)
Anyway, Mike runs a little place not far from Comerica Park called the Harmonie Café, the only restaurant I’ve ever been in that’s smaller than my kitchen. Literally. I counted. It seats nine people – the counter seats five and two little tables by the window seat two apiece. But Mike makes a pretty good cheeseburger, and - if the signs are to be believed - Detroit’s most-wanted Philly cheese steak.
I was actually more entertained by the café’s other advertisements, like the one for “Chicken and Waffles” pictured here. There’s also one for “Jive Turkey Burgers” and another for “Kool-Aid”. (That’s the Kool-Aid jug on the left side of the photo.)
(Editor's note: The information above is all true, and despite your suspicions, none of it was pulled from an old episode of "What's Happening?" The Harmonie Cafe is a real place. Seriously.)
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Before he bolted for warmer air, Dave worked a construction job on Washington Boulevard downtown. Remember that huge, stupid-looking red thing that used to run up one side of the road? It looked like monkey bars for really big people. The city eventually realized it was silly and got rid of it; we can thank Dave, at least in part, for tidying up afterwards.
Washington Boulevard is one of the nicest stretches downtown nowadays, home to the newly refurbished Book-Cadillac Hotel. If rumors have it right, other renovations are in the works, including the Book Tower on the other side of the street. (More on that building some time soon; it’s really cool looking. I saw them power-washing it the other day – and I thought doing my old deck was a pain!)
Anyway, as you can tell by the sign pictured here, many of the businesses lining Washington don’t cut any corners when it comes to marketing. I was over there a few weeks ago and when I saw this sign, I figured he would appreciate it. Dave likes himself some misspelled food as much as the next guy. In honor of that…
This is the Street that Dave Built
This is a sign
That hangs on the window
Of a store that sells “sanwiches”
That Dave would’ve bought
When he went to get chew
On a break from his backhoe
That he used to fix pipes
That run through the ground
Under the street that Dave built.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Jaybird asked me one time, “Hey Dad, why do they call it Eight Mile?” I don’t remember what I told him, but I guarantee it wasn’t helpful.
The other day, I stumbled across the answer.
Walking through Campus Martius Park to check out the skating rink and Christmas tree, I noticed some nice brickwork on the ground right in front of Au Bon Pain. A large medallion in a circle of concrete is set in the middle of what looks like compass points made of red brick. Words are engraved that explain the whole story.
“After the fire of 1805, Judge Augustus B. Woodward was appointed to lay out a new plan for the streets, squares and lots of Detroit. It is from here, at Judge Woodward’s survey point in the center of Campus Martius, that the City of Detroit’s street system originated. This spot is Detroit’s point of origin.”
And as a result, five miles north of Campus Martius they built a road and cleverly called it Five Mile Road. No word on why the "mile road" references don’t go below five, but those streets were included in the layout. “Four Mile” is Schoolcraft Road, “Three Mile” is Plymouth Road, “Two Mile” is Joy Road, and “One Mile” is Warren Avenue. Michigan Avenue, turning into Ford Road in Dearborn, is “Zero Mile”. By my estimation, West Road would be “Negative 14 Mile Road”.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Here’s more proof of the magic of moviemaking.
Have you ever seen a movie in which a scene takes place at the skating rink at Rockefeller Center in New York City? It’s a pretty common image. ‘Elf’ comes to mind, but no matter what movie, the place always appears to be huge, like a sprawling pond bigger than a hockey rink.
In contrast, the rink at Campus Martius Park in downtown Detroit has always seemed small to me when I visit in person. When you’re skating, it feels like you’re constantly turning. (Trust me, it starts to burn the thighs unevenly.) The size of the rink – and the steep $7 fee to skate – have been my only two beefs with the Campus Martius rink since I first went a few years ago.
But here’s a little nugget I found interesting: the rink at Campus Martius is actually bigger than the world-famous Rockefeller Center rink! Dimensions of the Rockefeller Center rink are listed at 122-feet x 59-feet. I can’t find measurements of the Detroit rink listed anywhere, but according to the Campus Martius website, it’s bigger.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Some buildings downtown are widely recognized (like the Renaissance Center). Some are known for their ornate architecture (the Guardian Building, for example). And others are embraced because they’ve been abandoned and left to rot (sadly, take your pick, but I’ll say the Michigan Central Depot).
Of all of the buildings in Detroit, One Woodward Avenue isn’t the “most-anything”. But the 29-story high-rise across from Hart Plaza does stand out among its neighboring towers for at least one interesting piece of trivia.
Architect Minoru Yamasaki designed the building – located at the corner of Woodward and Jefferson – and in the process, formulated a design that he would later use when creating the World Trade Center in New York. Take a look at the photo; you can definitely see the similarities. (A picture taken at Hart Plaza and posted on the Kage a few weeks ago shows One Woodward Avenue in the background. See it here.) I’m told that since the Trade Center was destroyed, One Woodward Avenue is Yamasaki’s tallest building still standing, although I can’t confirm that.
Incidentally, in the photo included with this page, see the building that One Woodward is connected with via a skywalk? That’s the Guardian Building I mentioned. (More on that some other day – that place is really cool!)
Friday, November 20, 2009
About a year ago, Matthew and Virginia Pieroni opened a bar in the old Michigan Building. The bar was previously called something else – the Cracker Barrel, I think – so they decided a name change was in order. They settled on the Bagley Bar. It’s on Bagley Street. They weren’t looking to be overly clever.
Then the redecorating started, and the couple decided to use one of the walls in the bar to pay homage to the Michigan Building itself, which used to include the famous old Michigan Theater. (Kage readers may recall a recent entry about the Michigan Palace. It was Virginia who let me take a snapshot of the poster with all of the old rock groups that played there.)
Anyway, one of the wall hangings they found was a large picture of the Michigan Building in its hey-day. The theater sign was shining bright. There was car and pedestrian traffic. Restaurants and stores filled the building’s street-level spaces. And when the Pieronis looked closely at the picture, they saw the space currently occupied by their bar. Over the door was a little awning. On it, it said, “Bagley Bar”.
Virginia insists it was merely a coincidence that the name they chose is the name that it was all those years ago. I think it’s a pretty neat coincidence. They seem like nice people ("Bird-type" people, for those Kage readers to whom that might mean something), and I encourage you to stop in at the Bagley some time. Right now they cater to the downtown work crowd, so you won’t find them open on weekends, or even very late in the evening. But if you get the chance, it’s worth popping in for a quick beer, burger, and history lesson of one of Detroit’s forgotten landmarks.
(As always, this Bagley Bar mini-review is being made exclusively to Kage readers. To read full-length bar reviews, click here.)
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
At first glance, it reminds me of the castle in “The Holy Grail” from which the little Frenchman repeatedly taunts King Arthur. It’s a gothic-looking old building on Grand River Avenue at Cass, and it appears to be standing guard against evil invaders. It would be fair to assume that it’s simply another of Detroit’s wartime relics. At least I hope it’s fair to assume that, because that’s what I did.
But then I consulted with the Kage’s crack research team (i.e. – the fine folks at Google) and learned a little bit about the building known as the Grand Army of the Republic Building. Without going into too much detail, it was essentially built in 1899 as an extravagant “thank-you” to veterans of the Civil War. It was a place for them to get together, play cards, drink beer, and panty raid the Delta Zeta house down on Woodward. (OK, I made that last part up.)
It sounds like it was a real rockin’ place, all the way up until the 1930s. The street-level space was rented to shopkeepers, but upstairs the old-timers had themselves a real fun house. By the mid-‘30s, there were only a couple dozen Civil War vets alive, and the building turned back over to the city.
Interestingly, like too many of the buildings downtown, the GAR Building is boarded up and currently unused. Unlike many of those buildings, it seems to be drawing some demand to occupy it. Among the entities who’ve shown interest are Ilitch Holdings and a successful design company downtown called Mindfield. Unfortunately, because of stipulations in the original will, the building cannot simply be sold to the highest bidder and used for any purpose. Apparently there has to be a street-level “marketplace”, and that side of town ain’t exactly a retail hotspot. Hopefully it’s a detail that can be sorted through, because it’d be great to see the boards come down and the building explored again. There are probably some old beer bongs up in the attic!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Down on Bagley Street and Grand River, a mammoth old building is standing there looking (like many of the buildings downtown) particularly under-used. It’s called the Michigan Building, one-time home of the Michigan Theater, which by itself has a remarkable history.
Back in the 1950s, the theater was a 4,000-seat place that showed now-classic films. In the 1960s, it was used to show closed-circuit television events, in particular, simulcast Red Wings games for people who couldn’t get in to Olympia. And in the 1970s, it was a concert venue for rock bands.
What few people realize – Kage readers no longer included – is that before the Michigan Theater closed in the late 1970s, the name was changed to the Michigan Palace. I hope the photo I took of a poster comes through clearly enough for you to read, because it’s unbelievable to see the names of the some of the bands who played there. (To give you an idea, the marquee in the poster reads “The Doors”.)
Sadly, sometime after the theater closed, it was converted into a parking garage, which is what that part of the building remains today. Interestingly, parts of the theater are reportedly still visible in the garage, and the place has been used recently during the filming of movies, including “Eight Mile”.
I guess I can’t rag on CVS or Home Depot anymore for setting up their holiday displays too early. Apparently the Christmas season is officially here.
The Christmas tree in Campus Martius Park in downtown Detroit that annually stands over what is a fountain all summer is up, complete with enormous bulbs and ornaments on its branches and giant, wrapped packages underneath. The city officially kicks off the holiday season on Nov. 20, with a tree-lighting ceremony from 6:00 – 9:00 p.m.
Although I’ve never been at the park during the actual tree-lighting ceremony, I have spent a little time down there during the winter, and it’s a cool atmosphere, with or without kids. The skating rink is open and music plays overhead. If only there were shopping to complete the picture! Oh well, it's still a great way to spend an evening sometime this winter, and there are a ton of bars nearby to take the chill off.
Kage note: Speaking of bars, our series of bar profiles will continue soon with my discovery of place just down the street from Campus Martius. Be sure to visit us again soon for a look at the Greenwich Time Pub. (In the world of pointless blog creation, that is what we call a "teaser".)
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Down in the heart of Detroit, people on pistas rolling silver boules at cochonnets caught my attention the other day, mostly because I don’t know what any of those things are.
Turns out, it was the Detroit Petanque Club meeting as they do everyday from noon to 1 o’clock in Cadillac Square, right next to Campus Martius Park. I watched them play Petanque (pronounced: pa-TONK) for a little bit, but I only picked up a few of the rules. It’s a lot like bocce ball, except the balls (called “boules”) are silver and a little smaller. You stand inside a ring and roll the boule at a cochonnet (a small wooden ball).
The courts where the game is played are called pistas, and apparently the Detroit Petanque Club is in such good standing with the city that a few of them were put in when the Campus Martius area was reworked a few years back. To the untrained eye, it looked like tightly packed gravel.
As I was getting ready to leave after I watched and took a few pictures, the guy in this photo invited me to play a few games. Any time, he said, they’re there every lunch hour. Now, I didn’t point this out to him, but give me about a half-hour to develop a touch, and I predict I will absolutely dominate. Stay tuned to the Kage for details.
To read more about the DPC, click here.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
During what I assume is the year's final week of bike-riding weather, I figured I better use it wisely. Maybe pedal somewhere new. The other day I wound up on the RiverWalk riding further east than I have in the past.
Although the Tri-Centennial State Park portion of the RiverWalk isn’t open yet (it’s still fenced off at Rivard Street), I skirted around the closed portion by riding up Atwater Street. The RiverWalk reopens near Chene Park.
And it’s unbelievable.
Just a few-minute bike ride from the RenCen (see how close it is in the photo!) is a harbor with dozens of boat skirts. Next to them is a pavilion and picnic area, and a winding bike path curls around both sides and out to the water - where earlier this week some sweet old guys were fishing.
There’s even a lighthouse at the entry point into the harbor, which makes for a very strange mix of images. Seeing the huge buildings of Detroit behind a lighthouse is unusual, in a good way. I’ve got more pictures; maybe I’ll get around to posting them separately sometime. Unfortunately, this blog-site only allows one image at a time, which is starting to annoy me. (Perhaps it’s time the Kage gets an upgrade?)
(For more info on the RiverWalk, there’s a great map available at www.detroitriverfront.org.)
Monday, November 9, 2009
No word yet on how much renovation will be required, but another of Detroit’s old and long-empty buildings is being targeted for use.
The old Detroit Free Press building on Lafayette Boulevard – one I’ve been hoping would follow in the path of the Fort Shelby, the Book-Cadillac and others – is reportedly going to be the new home of Motor City Film Works, a production services, studio and casting company.
According to crack research at the Kage, the 80,000-square-foot space that once housed the Free Press’ printing presses will be transformed into a sound stage. No word on whether the company plans to occupy all 16 floors, but we’re pretty sure that the broken and/or boarded street-level windows will be repaired. As a result, we consider this a good thing.
You can read more about Motor City Film Works at www.motorcityfilmworks.com.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
It felt a little cold walking around the other day, but c’mon! The skating rink is back already?
Sure enough, the park at Campus Martius in downtown Detroit is once again being transformed into the skating rink. I haven’t heard when the rink will officially open for skating, but my guess is, if the temperatures stay in the 40s, it won’t be long.
Sometime this winter (I nominate a Saturday afternoon) I say we organize a group skate., followed by some food and drink at one of the bars downtown.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Without needing to block off any streets, the small cast and crew of a movie called ‘Crave’ quietly went about their business last week of filming a movie in Detroit. It was so small, Kage credientials weren’t even necessary. I thought about sticking around and helping them with some rewrites.
I spotted them as I walked past the Detroit Beer Co., a handful of people setting up cameras and lights, and at first I assumed some of the ‘Master Class’ folks had moved a few blocks away to shoot a scene. It turns out, though, that this was a whole separate endeavor, a small independent film called ‘Crave’ starring some people whose names are Josh Lawson, Emma Lung and Ron Perlman (I think I’ve heard of him.)
My crack research tells me that the movie is a psychological thriller about a troubled photographer (Lawson) whose dangerous visions wreak havoc when his romance with a young woman (Lung) ends and he is pursued by a world-weary detective (Perlman). Writing credit for that last sentence should go to the folks at dreadcentral.com.
Friday, October 30, 2009
As the ‘Red Dawn’ people continued to film their movie just a few blocks away, a new mob of Hollywood types was in town earlier this week to start production of a movie called ‘Master Class’.
My prestigious Kage Credentials earned me a spot just a few feet off camera, which was really cool to see. The movie is set in 1971, and Grand Circus Park is doubling as a park in New York, according to one of the crewmembers.
Monday, they were shooting a war protest scene, and after seeing three or four takes, it was interesting to see how movies are made. The guy leading the protest, for instance, was holding a megaphone to his mouth but only pretending to yell. No noise was coming out of his mouth. (They must add audio later, but it really strange to see.)
Faye Dunaway, who’s starring in and directing the movie, was there, working only as a director that day. In her black sweat suit and baseball cap, I wouldn’t have recognized her if someone hadn’t yelled out her name. There must have been a hundred extras dressed as hippies and carrying anti-war signs, and they brought in at least a dozen old cars to park along Woodward for background.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The big projects – like hotel restorations and RiverWalk developments – are easy to spot. Some you can even see from the freeway. But every now and then during a lunchtime walk, I stumble across something happening in downtown Detroit that’s a little quieter.
Smaller in scope but huge in impact, a new park is being built on a pie-shaped chunk of land in what used to be called the Paradise Valley area of Detroit. Just a few blocks from Comerica Park (you can barely see the stadium lights in the photo) but set in what feels like a quiet little neighborhood, the park will be bound by Grand River, Randolph and Centre streets. It’s across from Coaches Corner, if you’ve ever been there.
In building the park, the entire piece of property, it appears, was dug out five or six feet. Stonewalls and sidewalks wind through, and a fountain is being built. The water lines have all been installed, and when I walked past the other day a landscape crew was putting in tons of plants.
Like I said, it’s a small project. But it creates the park-in-the-big-city, Brooklyn-type atmosphere that Detroit is sorely lacking. And after you’ve spent any amount of time walking past broken storefronts and down aging sidewalks downtown, it makes an enormous difference.
Friday, October 23, 2009
First the RiverWalk development, and now this. As another sign that Detroit actually plans on encouraging people who aren’t wearing haz-mat suits to visit its waterfront, work is well underway on the construction of a new two-story cruise-ship and ferry terminal on the Detroit River just west of the RenCen.
Thorough investigation at the Kage (i.e. – Googling) tells us that the terminal is scheduled to open next summer. An off-shore wharf is to follow. After that? Who knows, maybe some guy from Sault Ste. Marie will finally realize that the rioting in Detroit ended, um, decades ago.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not imagining Mr. Roarke and Tattoo standing in Hart Plaza greeting mobs of people from faraway places like Milwaukee and Buffalo. But since there are already cruise lines that run regular Great Lakes routes, it’d be nice for them to be able to pull over in Detroit, at least for a Coney dog or two.
And that doesn't even mention the travel benefits to people in distant cities like Grosse Pointe Shores and Wyandotte, who on average spend roughly 14 minutes per year in downtown Detroit, but at least a weekend enjoying the exotic offerings of, say, Cleveland. Worried about drinking and driving home? No problem. The next water taxi shoves off at midnight.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Everybody knows what Dodge Fountain looks like, even if you didn’t realize that was its name. (For those who don’t, it’s that huge, round fountain at Hart Plaza. Trust me, you’ve seen it.)
But seeing Hart Plaza through the passenger window is different than walking through it. If you ever get the chance, you’ll find some pretty interesting stuff. Tucked off to the left side of the Plaza (toward the RenCen), there’s a statue of a guy with one foot up on a rock, and one arm holding a flag. It’s a statue of Cadillac, and next to it is a placard that describes the story of Cadillac settling in what is now Detroit. Being a Downriver guy, I found it especially interesting. If you ask me, high school teachers should use sites like this one when teaching kids American history; it makes it feel more real.
Here’s an excerpt from the placard:
“After departing Montreal June 5, 1701, Antoine de la Mothe Cadillac and his convoy of 25 canoes sailed down this river and on the evening of July 23 camped 16 miles below the present city of Detroit on what is now Grosse Ile. On the morning of July 24, Cadillac returned upriver and reached a spot on the shore near the present intersection of West Jefferson and Shelby. Pleased with the strategic features, the bank towering some 40 feet above the level of the river, Cadillac landed and planted the flag of France, taking possession of the territory in the name of King Louis XIV.”
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
An entire four- or five-block area of downtown Detroit was cordoned off Monday as filming of ‘Red Dawn’ continued. Watching it happen was pretty cool. A parking garage across from American Coney Island was transformed into a Police headquarters. A stage in front of the garage was built to host a fictional political speech. And the intersection of Michigan-Griswold-Lafayette was the gathering place for hundreds of working-class citizens who flocked to hear the speech.
Around the corner on Lafayette, a school bus was being loaded with extras dressed in bright orange jumpsuits. Suddenly a military jeep wheeled around the corner and shot down Griswold, another cornered onto Lafayette, and a tank rolled into the parting crowd. Along with hundreds of other people who gathered, I watched them do a few takes.
I’ve heard that the entire script for the new ‘Red Dawn’ was re-written, which makes me wonder why they called it ‘Red Dawn’. Still, I’m already looking forward to seeing the movie and looking for different parts of Detroit in the background.
(I would promise that this is the last I will say about the filming of ‘Red Dawn’, but I might go down this afternoon and try to sneak on as an extra, and I figure there might be something worth mentioning about that.)
The guy behind the counter probably said what day the show was airing. But the guy behind the counter doesn’t speak that well. Anybody who’s been to Lafayette Coney Island in downtown Detroit knows that.
He was excited, though, and he disappeared behind a wall and popped out a few seconds later holding up a t-shirt. It said something about the Food Network on it, and he gushed for a while longer about how the whole camera crew had spent the previous day filming in Detroit’s most famous dirty little restaurant, which is no small distinction!
Here’s what I gleaned from the conversation: The Food Network visited Detroit recently to do a feature on Coney dogs, and in particular the two famous downtown joints, American Coney Island and Lafayette Coney Island. It’s going to be on TV sometime in November.
What I’m sure you’ll hear if you catch the show is a little background on the two restaurants, which is pretty interesting. The first Coney Island opened in 1917 by the Keros brothers, who shortly thereafter got into an argument and split into two separate restaurants. Even today, owners of each place scrap with each other about which is the true “original”. I don’t watch the Food Network often, so if you happen to catch this episode, let me know. I’m anxious to see if we can understand a word of what the guy behind the counter has to say.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Not to harp on the “Red Dawn”-is-filming-in-Detroit thing, but as I walked around not smoking cigarettes the other day, I happened by a building downtown that is being completely dressed up to work as a backdrop for the movie. It’s really cool to see.
Where Michigan Avenue, Lafayette Boulevard and Griswold Street come together (across the street from where the American Coney Island comes to a point), there’s a parking structure that the ‘Red Dawn’ folks are using as some sort of police station. They’ve hung a huge red banner with a fictional political symbol at the bottom. Next to it are gigantic letters that spell POLICE.
In front of the building (you can’t see this very well in the photo) is a raised platform that I think will be used as a stage.
So far I haven’t seen any actual filming going on, but someone told me they’re supposed to be taping this week. I heard Josh Peck, the kid from Drake & Josh, is in the movie. How dreamy would it be to run into him stuffing a coney in his mouth?